Outstanding and Insightful: Family in Six Tones by Lan Cao and Harlan Margaret Van Cao

A Refugee Mother, An American Daughter

Series: Standalone

Release Date: September 15, 2020

Format: eARC

Rating: 4.75/5 stars

Note: I received Family in Six Tones through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. My thanks to FSB Association for the opportunity.

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Family in Six Tones is exceptionally well written. One of the authors, Lan Cao (the mother), wrote the following about English literature:

“…in soft contemplative focus, unspoken and on the pages of a book, English was something else altogether, linguistically smooth and gentle, strangely more modest and relaxed.”

Lan Cao in Family in Six Tones: A Refugee Mother, An American Daughter

I realized after reading the quote that Family in Six Tones felt “linguistically smooth and gentle,” and honestly, beautiful. I especially liked learning all the new words (examples being alacrity, itinerant and parochialism, to list a few). The more sophisticated vocabulary did not detract from the narrative at all–in fact, I think it enhanced the rhythm of the memoir.

However, the dual narration in Family in Six Tones made the memoir outstanding. Memoirs are a recent interest of mine. I haven’t read that many, but from the few that I have read, memoirs are a kind of storytelling that is only capable of giving one side of the story: that of the authors. However, Family in Six Tones, with its dual narration, allows the reader to delve into the implications of war trauma that one narrator perhaps cannot see or is unwilling to discuss in detail. Harlan’s (the daughter) first narrative was a shock to me because it put into perspective all these traits of Lan’s (her mother) in a new light.

Vietnam War Refugee and Assimilation

One of my main interests in Family in Six Tones was understanding the impact of Lan’s experience as a refugee on her daughter’s childhood. However, the more I read, the more I became interested in the history and culture of Vietnam as I realized much of what I know about the Vietnam war (being Canadian) has been influenced by the American narrative.

Another unexpected aspect to Family in Six Tones was Lan’s journey of assimilating into America. It, honestly, seemed that Lan spent most of her life trying to figure out how to fit together with her Vietnam history with her American present. Honestly, this part of Lan’s story was what mainly drove me to keep reading.

“…the quest to assimilate as a necessary but painful process that is sometimes the equivalent of self-mutilation–letting go, eliminating, or even murdering a part of yourself to become a transformed someone else.”

Lan Cao in Family in Six Tones: A Refugee Mother, An American Daughter

Lan’s journey from a child seeing snow for the first time in Virginia to working on Wall Street and becoming a law professor was compelling. Lan tied in her traumatic experience in war-torn Vietnam to her journey throughout America. However, I felt that the shadows of Lan’s experiences (her feelings) in Vietnam were not as thoroughly discussed. It wasn’t until I read Harlan’s perspective that I realized the depths of Lan’s PTSD–one such way of coping with her childhood and assimilation was the development of ‘shadow selves’ used to dissociate from her grief, shock and trauma.

I also liked how Lan touched upon the American Dream when she discussed her status as a refugee, and as she detailed her family’s efforts to assimilate. The American Dream, as is demonstrated in Family in Six Tones, provides hope that if you work hard enough, you will be rewarded. But, as Lan’s history shows, there are many societal barriers (including racism and sexism) to attaining said Dream and unobtrusively identify as American.

“We may have Americanness officially documented in birth certificates, passports, or naturalization papers. But despite the seductive panache of the American Dream, the message that we can never really be American has curiously been passed down from generation to generation.”

Lan Cao in Family in Six Tones: A Refugee Mother, An American Daughter

Mother-Daughter Relationship

As I mentioned above, Harlan’s perspective was a much-needed addition to the memoir as it demonstrated the lasting, tangible impacts of war-borne trauma. I loved how accessible Harlan’s perspective was but also the insight she provided. I don’t want to say, ‘and she’s only 17‘ but a book is a considerable accomplishment at any age and writing so well at such a young, I think, is so incredible!

Harlan’s insights into her mom’s behaviour and her mom’s familial relationships, as well as her friendships, added a unique element to Family in Six Tones. Despite the novel being a memoir, it took me aback (in a good way) for a minute how honest Harlan was about her mother and her own life. I can’t imagine writing so vulnerably in a diary, nevermind in a book for mass publication!

I know the saying ‘the truth is somewhere in the middle’ is contrived but reading both Lan and Harlan’s perspectives allowed for all facets of the memoir to be completely fleshed out. What I found Lan talked around, Harlan was blunter about, and vice versa.

The care and consideration put into understanding their mother-daughter relationship was so great to read about. Both Lan and Harlan were unafraid to share critiques, arguments and worries but also tempered these disagreements with an understanding of the impact of born identities (hence the title ‘a refugee mother, an American daughter’). The memoir emphasized how the mother-daughter relationship begins with the two literally joined and is a tale of slow separation and independence. However, there is always the comfort that they have each other to fall back on.

In Conclusion

At this point (if you’ve lasted this long in my lengthy review), you might be wondering why not a full 5-stars since I’ve really just gone on about all the aspects that worked well. Family in Six Tones wasn’t a 5-star read for me because I found myself putting the book down for more extended periods than usual (compared to other books). However, I also think this was because the content wasn’t ‘skimmable’… I wanted to read and retain everything.

Also, the format of the e-ARC I received was a bit off; many words were unnecessarily hyphenated: words were hyphenated as if there was a line break… even when the word was not separated by lines. Finally, the lack of chapters bugged me. I’m new to reading memoirs, so it might not be a thing to use chapters like in fiction novels but having marked sections helps me with my reading pace.

Despite these drawbacks, I mostly marked them besides ‘personal pet peeves,’ and, therefore, not true contras of the memoir.

Overall, the dual narrative makes Family in Six Tones so unique and elevates the storytelling. What results is a gripping memoir that allows the reader to understand the lasting impact of what it means to be a refugee.

“And although yes, I was grateful to have found sanctuary in this country, gratitude no longer meant servitude or obedience or silence.”

Lan Cao in Family in Six Tones: A Refugee Mother, An American Daughter

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